Saying Goodbye To A Dear Friend

This is one of the hardest Mother Gamer posts to write because it is about a dear friend of mine who passed away suddenly. I had a difficult time writing about my friend MrsMagik/Tara when she passed away a few years ago from Cervical Cancer. It is never easy to say goodbye to the people we love and it is one of the parts of life that is truly heartbreaking. Today I'm writing about saying goodbye to a dear friend who has been part of my life for fifteen years, Rob who many of us knew by his gaming handle when we played Final Fantasy XI with him, Nedstark.


I first came to know Rob (Ned) when I started playing Final Fantasy XI. He came into our linkshell Crimson Kindred invited by our friend Cothius. He was cheerful, friendly, and cracked hilarious jokes that would have you laughing. I mentioned I liked his name and that was how we got to talking about the Game Of Thrones books and about how we both loved the character Ned Stark even though his story ended abruptly. I don't think he ever had a bad thing to say about anyone. That's just who he was. Level grinding could be a bit tedious sometimes in the game, but Rob made it fun with his banter, jokes, and the fact that he was just happy to be having fun with his friends.

It was Rob who gave me the nickname Killer. It was an inside joke about something that happened when we were level grinding in the game. Rob was leveling his paladin and I was leveling my samurai. We had a black mage in our pick up group and the mage was more than a little rude to him about holding hate. The thing is the mage was going to town with spells which many of us Final Fantasy veterans know is something you can not really do because it will make the beasties go for you. You have to space it out and tone it down. Rob was polite and explained this many times. We commented in our linkshell chat that we did not know how he could be so nice about this. Rob laughed it off saying it was just a game and he was trying to give the mage a chance. We keep going and again the mage is nuke happy, but Rob was actually a very good paladin and did his best and managed to keep up. However, the mage is again being rude and throws some insults his way. By that point I decided I had enough and did not like the way this person was treating my friend. I told them that I thought they were being incredibly rude and that even though my friend was being polite and doing his best they were on him and maybe they needed to remember it's just a game or they could do everyone a favor, take their nasty attitude, and go. There was a pause and then the mage apologized to all of us. Rob in our linkshell chat tells me, "Dang, Killer I think you may have made him cry. Remind me to never make you mad or at least give me a warning so I can hide all the knives." which had all of us laughing, but the name stuck. Rob was the only one who ever called me Killer and the only one who was allowed to. Even when we spoke on the phone he would always say, "Hey, Killer what's up?" and it would always make me smile.


Our group of friends was pretty close knit and we would do a lot of things together in the game. Brenner was one of the things that we did as a group (it's like a game of Capture the flag) and it was something fun to do together in between level grinds and quests.

Everyone in Crimson Kindred meeting for Brenner.

Another event we liked doing together was Dynamis. Dynamis was much more challenging and there were so many wipes, but again it was something Rob made fun with his jovial nature and jokes. That was the thing about him that stood out the most, he was always happy to be there and having fun in the game with us his friends.

Doing a Daynamis run. 

Many of us became more than gaming friends, we became real life friends. We exchanged phone numbers, emails, and eventually Facebook. Rob and I would have a lot of great conversations about books, gaming, and what was going on in our lives in general. When I was going through the divorce with my ex-husband it was a very low point in my life. My three daughters were very young at the time and I was doing everything I could to keep it together, but I was struggling. Still, I did my best to put on a brave face, but I think Rob knew and he would call often and say he was just checking to see how I was doing. I was grateful that he did that because it helped me immensely to feel less alone. He encouraged me and offered supportive wisdom about how to handle everything. I am glad I was able to thank him for being there when I needed a friend. All he said to me about that was, "That's what friends do for each other, Killer. I'm glad I was able to help in some small way." No, Rob. It was a big way and I'm forever grateful for it.

Final Fantasy XI is also how I came to be friends with my husband Ron (Sheitara) and he was friends with Rob too. When I first mentioned having reservations about my first date with Ron, it was Rob who said he thought Ron was a good guy. He told me, "Give him a chance, he may surprise you." I did give Ron a chance and he did surprise me with how incredibly kind he was, how much he understood me, and how we liked a lot of the same things and had fun together. Rob was genuinely happy for both of us when we got married saying it was a perfect match. 

My character and Ron's character from Final Fantasy XI together. 

There were so many adventures we had together in Final Fantasy XI. Rob couldn't be there for all of them, but we understood. Real life comes first. He had a wife and two young sons and work of course. Whenever he spoke about his family there was always love and joy in his voice. He loved his family and you could hear it when he spoke about them and see it on his Facebook in every photo and video he shared of time with them. We did a Christmas party in the game and he couldn't make it, but I sent him the picture we took and he stated that it made him smile, that he missed everyone, and he was glad we had fun.

Final Fantasy XI Christmas party.

Rob played when he had free time here and there. We'd go exploring in the new areas with updates, we'd check out scheduled events, and do level grind sessions when we all had time. Our favorite event was the one where you ate a cookie and it turned you into a little kid. Rob thought it was hilarious us running around as little kids in town in the game. No matter what we were doing, we always had fun together.

Doing the turn into kids event with Nedstark.

Last week Rob was taken from us suddenly when he died in a tragic accident while he was on site at work. He was only 38 years old. All of us who knew him are struggling with why this happened and coping with the loss of his light from this world. Rob was one of those rare souls who could talk to a total stranger and make them feel like they had known him for years. He was always able to make you laugh or smile with his humor and good cheer. His love for his family and friends was immense. Rob was a kindred spirit and all of us who loved him are missing him terribly. Our hearts are heavy as we mourn his loss with his family. Saying goodbye to a dear friend is painful and sad because of how much they meant to us and how they made us feel when they were here. Rob made so many of us feel happy and loved just being around him or having a great conversation with him. He was a husband, a father, a son, and a friend. He was someone that shared his love of life with all of us and it is hard to believe that we'll never hear his hearty laugh or see his happy go lucky smile again. I hope he knew how many people loved him and appreciated the incredible person he was. Until we see you again, Rob. Thank you for sharing your light and joy with us. We love you. 

Goodbye, Rob. We love you and miss you. 

*Note: This link is a fundraiser for Rob's family. This is to help them with whatever they may need during this difficult time. Please donate if you can or share it. Thank you. Much love to you all. To donate and share click the link here:  https://www.gofundme.com/love-for-the-smith-family